Hello? Hi. Checking in.

Just checking in to say hello and hope you are well after a horrific past few days, and some unexpectedly unexpected things going on here. It’s like every time I turn around, the month has gotten farther and farther away from me. I mean, next week is THANKSGIVING. And then officially the holiday season. I really need a dose of good will toward people and an extra wave of cheerfulness — and I know I’m not alone in that. So. Bring it on, already.

I officially finished my #30DaysofYoga challenge on Sunday afternoon, and it was surprisingly emotional for me. I’m still not sure why. I wasn’t feeling particularly weepy or anything (what a surprise) but I think I realized how much a relief yoga has been during these stressful few weeks. It may have taken me longer than I thought (a month and a half) but still, I stuck with it and I feel good about this accomplishment. I’ve realized in the past few months that these little missions I have been giving myself really keep me agile and present in life, and I want to keep feeling that way. There’s always work to be done. So for now, I’ll be continuing with Adriene’s videos for my evening work outs. (I really need a new yoga mat; suggestions please!)

#SockSunday November 14Hm. What else has been going on? Not too, too much. My husband and I started watching Jane the Virgin, and Master of None recently and I’m enjoying both a lot. (We are almost done with the last season of Last Man Standing available on Netflix and that’s always a bummer. We speed through those episodes so quickly!) I watched a strange movie with Chris Pine and Elizabeth Banks last week where they are half-siblings but he doesn’t tell her and she starts to fall in love with him? No. It was too weird for me. (For reference, it was People Like Us.) I also made a butternut squash mac and cheese, and pumpkin chili. (One of my other November goals is to cook four new meals; checked off that one.)

As for reading: I finished The Trouble With Density (12/8) by Lauren Morrill the other day, and thought it was a hoot — a marching band on a cruise ship trying to win prize money with a ton of hijinks. And as my middle grade kick continues, My Life in Dioramas by Tara Altebrando was a speedy read about Kate, a girl who is very unhappy about her parent’s financial problems and their decision to sell their beloved house. This week, I’m working through some library books with All American Boys by Jason Reynolds & Brandon Kiely and my first Amy Reed book: Invincible.

Some procrastination material: A fourth grader stands up to her teacher over #GirlCode (Huffington Post). Big Bird gets his shot interning at Funny or Die a.k.a. the absolute best thing you will ever see. Instagram is the new blog (The Cut). 40 books every woman should read from Hello Giggles — what do you think of these picks?

♥

Okay, that’s it from me. Let’s have a good week, shall we? xoxo – e

What Feels Good | Monday, Monday

Hey, it’s a new week and a new month! I’m back here again with this stream of consciousness Monday thing. But, of course, it’s Sunday and I’m cooking a meat pie (just call me Mrs. Lovett) and getting ready to settle in for sports and Walking Dead (which we have all been pining away for, right?). Last week, I was all like OMG IT’S GOING TO BE NOVEMBER and now IT’S REALLY NOVEMBER. So that’s something to deal with — along with trying to avoid the red cups at Starbucks because I don’t want to RUSH the holiday season as much as I love, love, love it. (I ordered an iced coffee today and didn’t get the cup. It’s all okay. Whew.)

Last week, I shared that I’m working on #30DaysofYoga. Tomorrow, I jump into Day 20, and I wanted to share this FIND WHAT FEELS GOOD motto from Adriene. I’ve been thinking about it a lot lately. Not only when I “go to the mat” (yoga speak makes me legit, right?) but so much of this year feels like it was FIND WHAT FEELS GOOD until I could define it with four words. Unfortunately, making this happen might mean a lot of bad feelings. My friend has told me repeatedly that turning 30 is really tough. You find out a lot about yourself, your friendships, and it’s like starting all over again in some ways. But then once you get through it, it’s (mostly) smooth sailing and you’ll be so thankful you went through the “terrible” 30.

In many ways, 30 has been complicated. With James still in school most of the time and living on one salary, it’s a little like we were college kids all over again. (But with wisdom!) And maybe it’s my own disappointment that (snap!) things don’t automatically feel settled just because he graduated and passed the bar (hooray!). If anything, this feels like the most challenging year for me personally and our marriage. I don’t think a lot of people share how challenging marriage is OUT LOUD (unless you are reading the amazing A Practical Wedding) but it is. It brings me zero shame to say that because I know we are constantly working on making each other happy (together and separately) and it really makes me THAT much more present in my life, and aware of all the feelings. (That’s kind of my thing anyway.)

My life isn’t ALL about marriage but hey, when this is the person you come home to each and every day — happy, sad, angry, lonely, proud, enthused — you want to make sure you put a lot of work into making that foundation strong and tough and comfortable in a way where you can be yourself and everything feels like a possibility. No walls. Maybe a little resistance but you know, compromise and sacrifice are also two factors of this union. And two I’m probably never going to completely master.

The point is FINDING WHAT FEELS GOOD takes work and dedication and also WANT. You have to want to feel good to be willing to drop the things that don’t, to let go of what obviously isn’t wanting you anymore. Making room for the people who love you even when you aren’t perfect and always available; and for those activities that give you room to grow and learn new things about the world around you and yourself. Maybe it’s a lot more about forgiveness than I thought.

Ah, this took a serious turn for a Monday but I guess the moral of my story is feel good? It really makes a difference, even if it’s a process. Now to some other things…

What I’m reading: I’m on a middle grade kick and read Finding Someplace by Denise Lewis Patrick — about a young girl in the midst of Hurricane Katrina and how it affects her home, her family, and everything after that. SO GOOD. I was crying all over the place while reading it. I’m almost halfway through The Thing about Jellyfish by Ali Benjamin; another emotional story about a middle school girl dealing with the loss of her best friend. I can tell this book is going to be a special one.

Worthwhile Monday distractions: Coming off the Capeside Revisited feature, it was funny timing to see a post about how Pacey and Joey got together from the writer himself (Vulture). Hocus Pocus is my favorite FALL MOVIE EVER. They reunited for Halloween (Bustle). I love STRONG LADIES. Rowan Blanchard, star of Girl Meets World, is wise beyond her fucking years and I can’t take it. Look at this article on her feminism (Entertainment Weekly). I am currently obsessed with Cam who comes out with a country album in December. She used to write for Miley (USA Today)!

What I’m looking forward to this week: Seeing the PEANUTS movie. (Seriously, I am obsessed and cannot cannot wait.) Strangely, I’m also going to my first concert in forever but mostly for the Broadway aspect of it: Sara Bareilles is singing songs from her new musical (based on a favorite film of mine) Waitress. Also: I’m going to start some holiday card lists. I need to get organized this year!

♥

Let’s feel good this week. Okay? Happy Monday! -e

Give Me Your All & Nothing Else | Romance Short List

I borrowed the title of this post from a Selena Gomez song (Hands to Myself). I’ve been obsessed with new releases from her and Demi Lovato lately. They are both sexy and confident and strong, and both new albums reflect that. I’m not sure how natural of a segway this is into ROMANCE NOVELS but I’m going to pretend it was seamless. I finished a heavy-ish book the other night (I Crawl Through It by A.S. King) and I already felt my brain begging me to jump into a romance next. I’m still sorting through what’s next but before then I wanted to make sure I talked about a few of the others I’ve read recently. In case you haven’t noticed, I’m a big fan of the romance roundups.

♥

Hold Me by Susan MalleryHold Me by Susan Mallery (Harlequin HQN/April 28, 2015): It’s always a comfort to head back to Fool’s Gold and the most memorable part of diving into Hold Me was the sister relationship forming between Destiny and her half-sister, Starr. Being that Destiny had an unstable upbringing, she doesn’t have much confidence in her “parenting” skills as her sister’s guardian for the summer and I liked watching them figure each other yet. It can’t be easy for someone like Destiny who is so used to jumping from one job to the next to help someone she barely knows feel settled. Despite the sister storyline, we have Destiny and and Kipling — a guy who is ready to settle in Fool’s Gold for good and even opens a bar for “the men”. (Um, this lead to some very, very funny scenes.) Their relationship was very unconventional as far as Mallery’s usually go and while I definitely enjoyed it, a little more growth and built would have made their pairing more solid for me. Always worth checking out what Mallery is up to. I can’t wait for the Christmas book!!

Add HOLD ME to Goodreads | Buy on Amazon or B&N

Taking the Heat by Veronica DahlTaking the Heat by Victoria Dahl (Harlequin HQN/July 28, 2015): In my eyes, Dahl can do no wrong. In Taking the Heat, she pairs a hunky male librarian and an advice columnist (confident on the outside and the opposite inside) together. I loved reading about Veronica answering notes from those who needed help, and how Gabe’s gig at the library was so much about improving the tech aspects of the place. From the tiniest details, Dahl concentrates so much on the backstories of her characters, making everything that much more enjoyable to read and even sexier when this couple starts to get closer. I always know to expect major sizzle in every single book she writes. Taking the Heat was no exception. And not only are the two characters trying to navigate their feelings for each other, both are in a position where they need to find the strength to stand up to their parents about where they want their life to go. So relatable, and so so great.

Add TAKING THE HEAT to Goodreads | Buy on B&N or Amazon

Willow Brook Road by Sherryl WoodsWillow Brook Road by Sherryl Woods (Harlequin MIRA/ September 29, 2015): My first book from Sherryl Woods, and while the romance aspect was great, I adored the family dynamics and main character Carrie’s motivation to find her life’s passion and go for it. Woods takes the small town gossip to a whole new level with the huge O’Brien family (who practically runs the town) and new guy Sam Winslow cannot escape their matchmaking or their friendly (really!) advice. The author also touches on pregnancy difficulties and adoption in another plotline. I liked having this parallel of a marriage facing difficulties and we read about Sam and Carrie getting closer. Willow Brook Road may favor sweet over sexy but it was certainly fun to read.

Add WILLOW BROOK ROAD to Goodreads | Buy on B&N or Amazon


Help! I’d love some romance recommendations for you guys. What should I add to my list next?

 

Of Survival and Discovery | #SoRatherBeYoung

You Make Me Feel So Young Header

Back in December, Hannah from So Obsessed With and I decided to start a laidback feature where we introduce each other to favorite books of our childhood and joint read another. Well, we have certainly taken the laidback part of this feature to a whole new level. (Let’s blame a broken computer, summer, and life!) That being said, yay for the next installment of You Make Me Feel So Young. (Have you seen the new Geico commercial where they sing this song?)

Let’s get the ball rolling, shall we?

Island of Blue Dolphins Summary Tweet

Joint pick: Island of Blue Dolphins by Scott O’Dell | First published in 1960

More Than You Know: Scott O’Dell founded an award for historical books for children in 1982. If you are a lover of this genre, definitely check out the list of past winners. This year’s was Dash by Kirby Larson.

Memories Are Made of This: All I remember about reading this book when I was itty-bitty was that I devoured it — which is a little shocking because books with very little dialogue and so, so much nature are not really my thing now.

Second Time Around: I couldn’t stop thinking about how Island of Blue Dolphins was a precursor to dystopians like The Hunger Games. This young girl is forced to find ways to survive for herself, and all alone — not for a game, not for the entertainment/punishment of the government. (I’m sure I would fee this way about Lord of the Flies too.) That being said, I forgot how sad and quiet this book was. It was, though, remarkable to watch her drive build up even during the darkest times. Yay for a strong female lead.

You Can Take My Word for It, Baby: I would have no problem with my future children picking this book up, but my one fear is that dystopians are canceling out classics like this one. (I don’t have anything to back this statement up but I could see why kids want to pick up a shiny cover over something like this.) Otherwise, I can definitely see this book looking so well in not only a lit class but how about a history as well?

The Secret Garden Summary Tweet

Hannah’s pick for me: The Secret Garden by Frances Hodgson Burnett

Do You Know Why? “When I was talking to Estelle about the books of my childhood, I realized that many of my favorites are classics. But which one was I going to make her read? Since our discussion was initially taking place during the spring, I wanted to choose a book that fit the season. And that’s what inspired The Secret Garden! Mary Lennox (who truly is “quite contrary” in the beginning) experiences so much growth, which makes this book a great character-driven read. I was hoping Estelle would be transported by the magic of the story!” — Hannah

Can’t You Just See Yourself: I am the worst at reading classics. I always promise myself it will happen, and nope nope nope. I avoid it a lot. I’m so mad at myself for waiting to read The Secret Garden (for the record, my old coworker lent me her copy 2 years ago and that’s the copy I read for this project). It started off a little slow especially because Mary was such a brat (not surprised) and then really picked up as she fell in love with her freedom outside and all the possibilities at Misselthwaite Manor.

I Give You My Word: Definitely a book I would pass along to the future kids of the world. I can only imagine the discussions of literary devices, symbolism, and even art projects that could supplement the reading of The Secret Garden.

Before the Music Ends: My mission for you: find a beautiful version of this book and read it as soon as you can. Though some of the dialogue hasn’t aged as graciously with time, it’s a delightful read about many different walks of life finding second chances and blossoming once again. I’m so glad Hannah convinced me to read it. (Now I’m ready to read The Little Princess!)


What’s the last book you picked out of your “vintage” bookshelf?

We’d love to hear! Be sure to check out Hannah’s SOBY post today too!

Stay tuned for next month (we promise!) when Hannah & I joint read: Wayside School Gets a Little Stranger by Louis Sachar! #SoRatherBeYoung

Good morning (good day) to you and you and you

Hi, how are you?!

I’m trying something new over here this morning. (Actually, it’s Sunday night and I’m watching The Talking Dead and trying not to feel devastated.) So hello. Hope your weekend was excellent. I caught up with an old, amazing friend, stuffed myself with lovely biscuits and grilled cheese, actually sat down to watch a movie (Love & Mercy — so good), and made a beer & cheddar soup. (God, I had a lot of cheese this weekend.) I even FaceTimed with my mom — which is a rare feat because she works a lot.

Good Things Are Going to Happen

More positive thoughts at The Berry.

The big/shocking news: October is over in less than a week. What is happening with this year? I can’t even understand the speed in which it has been moving. I’m starting to get anxious like HAVE I DONE ENOUGH WITH MY YEAR or DO I HAVE ENOUGH TIME LEFT TO DO [FILL IN THE BLANK]? The half-full answer, of course, is YES TOTALLY and the half-empty answer is OMG AM I THE ONLY ONE WHO HASN’T STARTED CHRISTMAS SHOPPING? It’s fine, I’m good. I just want to be really present in enjoying the rest of the year. (Is this the yoga talking?)

So what am I reading? I just finished I Crawl Through It by A.S. King, which was energizing as a reader because the format and writing was so different. I love how King takes chances with her book and makes me say wtf a lot. Next up? I’m dying to jump into a romance but until I find one I feel like reading, I decided to check out Young Widows Club by Alexandra Coutts. Another unique concept (17-year old widow!?) with a more straightforward approach. The book hits shelves on November 10.

Library Haul October 25

Latest from the library: The Last Love Song by Tracy Daughtery; All American Boys by Jason Reynolds & Brendan Kiely; The Borrowers by Mary Norton.

What am I looking forward to this week? Hitting the half-way point with #30DaysofYoga — had a few hiccups this month but I’m sticking with it and loving it. A new episode of The Muppets on Tuesday — hooray! THE WORLD SERIES IS STARTING. I might not be an Mets fan but I think this series is going to be so, so juicy and great plus I have a thing for Mr. Met. (I’m not looking forward to the train situation in Queens on Friday though.) And… my husband might be getting his BAR EXAM results this week. Eek, I’m trying not think about it so pretend I didn’t say anything.

Here’s a little procrastination when you need it: I’ve been having SUCH trouble getting up in the mornings since the weather got cooler so I’m taking some advice from this Bustle article and using a song as my alarm. (Fingers crossed!) Cried on the subway listening to Death Sex & Money’s interview with an astronaut who lost his wife in the Columbia explosion. I can’t imagine my mom picking out my clothes for a week, but this Marie Claire editor let her mom dictate her style (even her hair!) and it makes for such a great read!

♥

Let’s have a productive week, shall we? Let’s not deny ourselves a caffeine boost or dark chocolate at 2pm, okay? – e

Pageants, Potter, and a Creek | Capeside Revisited

[dropcap]T[/dropcap]here’s this scene in the first season of Dawson’s Creek. Joey Potter, “the too-tall girl from the wrong side of the creek”, enters a stage behind a line of girls who are smiling with their teeth and wearing sequin-y dresses. Joey’s dress is sleek and simple. Her hair, which normally sits on her shoulders and behind her ears, is swept up in a bun. She’s wearing brown lipstick and instead of smiling big, she does the side smile. It’s a little shy, a little serious, and a little like “what the heck am I really doing up here”. With the fluttery plinks of music in the background, Joey walks on that stage among a crowd of people who are undoubtably judging her but, in the back of the room, her best friend adjusts a camera. He even nudges the camera guy out of the way to truly focus. Because after years of friendship awe falls across his face. Could this be? Is this the Joey Potter he always knew? Suddenly, everything has changed.

This moment solidifies so many of the reasons I connected with this show since its premiere in 1998. I was in 8th grade. I might not have been in love with my best friend or being raised by my older sister in a home where nothing came easy. But I was a girl who preferred the background over centerstage, who chose a book over running around outside every time. Someone who wanted to be accepted by her friends and applauded for working so hard all the time. Someone on the cusp of being discovered in one way or another.

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Because the show just happened to run from 8th grade until the May I graduated high school, it feels so much a part of my blossoming, a constant when everything felt so fragile and confusing.  I was a pretty well-behaved kid who listened to her parents but when it came to TV, I was not much for boundaries. When news of the Dawson’s Creek premiere started to hit papers, my mom was pretty adamant about me not watching. TOO MUCH SEX AND BIG WORDS. But I snuck watched it anyway and never turned back. (My mom eventually got over this. In fact, after all these years, it’s surprising to me that my 90210/Vampire Diaries loving mother never got into the show herself.)

When life got overwhelming with friends, band practice, after-school jobs, and boys, at least I had my Tuesday or Wednesday night to sit around with these characters and completely unwind. It was my time. I closed the door, sat crosslegged on my fringe rug (until my parents put down wood floors in my junior year of high school), sipped from a can of soda and let myself be thrown into the lives of four people who I practically grew up with. I probably didn’t think much about it then but the show introduced me to teenagers dealing with mental illness, coming out for the first time, slut shaming, and struggling so much to feel settled in the decisions they made and the love they were feeling.

To rev up for this post, I rewatched a few episodes of the show this past weekend and there’s another Joey scene that really got me. She’s sitting in Pacey’s car, after a surprising and surreal weekend and she announces maybe she’s not meant to find happiness. “I’m 16-years old and in my entire life there have been two people who know me!” I’m 30 so it’s ironic to hear her say “entire” in regards to 16 years on this planet. She’s so scared the weekend she had is some indication that she’s doomed forever. I can totally sit here and comment on how dramatic she sounds (it will be okay, Joey!) but isn’t this how we all felt back then? Like when the hell will my real life begin? When will everything fall into place?

Over six years, Dawson’s Creek managed to scramble the pieces of these characters in such a way that we saw no combination could be permanent. Anything could change at any moment (even if you’re enjoying an ice cream cone and singing along to a James Taylor copycat in your car) and that doubt that seems larger than life when you are a kid dissipates. Not because you’re suddenly mega-confident in a perfect, grown-up life but because there are truly less moments to share this kind of honesty. And maybe, just maybe, age welcomes a bit more faith and the understanding that one solid step forward means there are plenty of shaky ones in between.

Now that I’m the owner of so much wisdom (har har har), I wish I could tell the girl who rewound (yes, rewound) the pageant episode of Dawson’s Creek to rewatch time and time again that her yearning to feel brave, protected, and accepted is going to pop up frequently. That she might still think Dawson and Joey belonged together in the beginning, but she’s also open to what feels right and knows it’s okay to change her mind. She’d be really confused about Tom Cruise marrying Katie Holmes, but not surprised that Joshua Jackson remains devilishly good-looking and is still acting (even if she doesn’t watch any of his shows). And that in the age of Jimmy Fallon (“who?” says 14-year old me) there’s always the opportunity for a reunion.

Because true love never, ever dies. (Even if the soundtrack changes.)

♥

Capeside Revisited Dawson's Creek Appreciation

Big thanks to Rachel for asking me to be a part of this appreciation week!

One other thing to be thankful for when it comes to the creek: her friendship. We met over a shared love of the show, both ran our own fansites, and found out we were from the same town. The rest is history!