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On a Personal Note: Un-boxing Friendship

Well, hello! It’s been a while since I wrote something just to write. I read a book, Even in Paradise, several weeks ago and there’s a quote that’s been running through my mind. I’ve been trying to find the words to write this post; hopefully I’ve finally figured out what I want to say and don’t […]

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December 31, 2014 - 8:02 am

Goodbye to 2014 + End of Year Book Survey | Magan - […] My post on friendship and how I think it’s important to not lump people into boxes so we can know more about them. […]

November 26, 2014 - 12:25 pm

Alexa S. - Magan, your thoughts on friendship are so refreshing! I really love the concept of unboxing, though I’m definitely guilty of grouping my friends into different groups, particularly during my younger years. I was always conscious of the differences between these groups, and I even noticed that I acted differently around, solely dependent on whichever group I happened to be hanging out with. These days, now that I’m older, I’m actually much more open to having my friends from all aspects of my life hanging out with each other – I just want everyone to get along, to have the chance to potentially embrace and reveal other parts of their personalities. People are very complex and have a whole lot of different nuances, and I really think that allowing them to be comfortable enough to reveal EVERYTHING is key to any friendship having a wonderful, solid foundation. Thanks for sharing, M, and inspiring me to reflect on friendship too.

November 8, 2014 - 10:44 pm

Sky - Yes, absolutely! I find that I have several individual “best” friends that are from different facets of my life – two I met in Panama, one I met in school, and one I met at work. They all exist in separate areas of my life and our friendships are often based around how/where/what we have in common. They knew of each other but don’t know each other – I’ve contemplated getting everyone together but it seems odd to combine groups.

November 2, 2014 - 1:05 am

Weekly Recap| Oct 26 – Nov 1, 2014 | Oh, the Books! - […] Magan’s unboxing friendship. […]

November 2, 2014 - 12:03 am

October 2014 Rewind - […] On A Personal Note: Unboxing Friendships – This post about friendship from Magan at Rather Be Reading really resonated with […]

October 30, 2014 - 2:58 pm

Brooke - Great post Magan! I love the adorable pictures too.
I think it’s only natural to “collect” various types of friends throughout your life- the people who knew you in college, the people who you met through theater and music, and the people who have grown with you professionally or as a mommy… I found at my wedding when I mixed all of these types of friends together at one table, they got along swimmingly. We tend to look for common elements in our friends, whether we realize it and can put our finger on it or not.:)

October 29, 2014 - 4:58 pm

Jessica - I LOVE this post! I definitely understand what you mean about having groups of friends and fearing that they might not get along with each other. I have different friends and I always feel like they might not get along with each other if I invited them to the same thing. Sometimes, they don’t really get along but they make do and that’s okay.

But I’ve also met a lot of friends through other friends and it was only possible through “un-boxing” friendship groups. I definitely have to be more cognizant about not grouping my friendships since it’s easy to fall into routine with friends and just do the same-old. I’m really happy to have friends from so many diverse areas of life because we all bring something different to the table.

October 29, 2014 - 2:43 pm

Lauren at Bookmark Lit - I love this post! I struggle with this a lot, or I used to in the past. I had multiple, distinct groups of friends in high school – and a boyfriend that I forced to fit into every group. It was always interesting when I had to pull everyone together for a birthday gathering..and everyone always had fun! I spent SO much time when I was home from college on breaks flying to different friend dates: breakfast with one person, lunch with another, afternoon shopping with another, dinner with someone else, and nighttime with a last person. Seriously, it was too intense to keep up with! I never wanted to condense the groups because I didn’t want people to feel like I was smushing them together because I didn’t have time for them singularly. I think that was my biggest issue. I still kind of struggle with this at times. You live and you learn! Your real friends will understand. Jumping between different people throughout the day is what ends up hurting them more because it seems like you have to schedule or squeeze them into time slots. Sorry for the rambling!

October 29, 2014 - 1:09 pm

Wendy @ Book Scents - This is so interesting bc I totally tend yo group friends together. I have a lot of very different friends and bc of that I often think it’d be so weird to have them together. Some of that is distance so bc of location they never are together. But anyway, at my wedding this past summer I had all these different groups and I was surprised when they mingled and were chatting with each other. It’s not like they’ll be bffs but it def made me see that my friends don’t just have to be ONE thing. Great post!!

October 29, 2014 - 12:05 pm

Rebecca @ Reading Wishes - ETA is (also) brilliant and this post could basically be inspiration for a YA book about friendships and other good stuff.

October 29, 2014 - 11:10 am

ashley - Friendships are always hard for me because my brain often convinces me that I’m an annoying asshole and people are just hanging around with me because they have no choice and they are humoring me. I’m not saying this is true, but this is how my brain works. That being said, I do have a core group of people in my life who get me and work with me when my brain is like HAHA SUCKER. I don’t really put my friends in a box mostly because they all seem to get each other and mesh well together? If anything I came into the group late and they boxed me! My online friends I tend to box more, not because they’re online friends but because of how I met them. I’m not sure this comment makes any sense, but friendships are complex, so my comment probably is, too.

October 29, 2014 - 10:44 am

Rebecca - Such a beautiful, relatable, thoughtful post and that is a great quote – thanks for sharing it with us. For some reason, it’s easy to group friends: book friends, friends from your childhood, etc and I think a lot people do it. If the situation arises in the future for different friends to meet, I’m going to let it. Not only that, I’m gong to embrace 🙂

October 29, 2014 - 10:01 am

Meg - I’m definitely guilty of categorizing my friendships and not allowing them to grow — something I’ve considered quite often and am working on changing! I’ve even thrown separate holiday get-togethers because I was worried folks wouldn’t “mesh,” but hey: we’re all adults! I should have allowed others to meet and make those decisions for themselves, but I was stressed and being silly. I won’t do that again!

My in-person friendships tend to evolve and change pretty quickly and, unfortunately, I don’t have a close circle of folks I can call at a moment’s notice… but I appreciate the people I do have in my life, and I’m trying to find more balance by nurturing those relationships a bit more. It can feel tough because we’re all in “different places,” but that’s just my own projections again. Whether we’re married or single, with children or not, we’re people. We’re friends. We figure it out.

Magan: Even in Paradise by Chelsey Philpot

Even in Paradise by Chelsey Philpot (website | twitter) Publication Date: October 14, 2014 Publisher: HarperCollins Pages: 368 Target Audience: Young Adult Fiction Keywords: boarding school, Nantucket, family death, unlikely friendship Format Read: ARC from the publisher via Edelweiss. (Thank you!) Summary: When Julia and Charlotte meet, they become instant friends, always by each other’s side. Though they’re opposites in most every way, Julia […]

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April 14, 2015 - 12:06 pm

Dive Into Diversity Family Series: Stepfamilies - […] Even in Paradise. Charlotte’s dad remarried and she has two stepbrothers. For many reasons, Julia’s family is attractive to Charlotte. She loves their closeness and how protective they are of one another. Charlotte comes to love and appreciate her own family more as the illusion of perfectionism fades for Julia’s family. I really felt like this was a solid example of envying what we don’t have. […]

October 29, 2014 - 8:01 am

On a Personal Note: Un-boxing Friendship - […] hello! It’s been a while since I wrote something just to write. I read a book, Even in Paradise, several weeks ago and there’s a quote that’s been running through my mind. I’ve […]

October 8, 2014 - 11:02 pm

Alexa S. - Even in Paradise is pretty magical, if you ask me. There’s something about the story that just draws you in immediately, and the characters – all of them – draw you in close too. I really liked it!

October 6, 2014 - 8:27 am

Nicole @ The Quiet Concert - I thought this one read a little too familiarly but I enjoyed it all the same. I really liked the Buchanans and was drawn to the mystery of Gus’s death that was weaved into the storyline. Lovely review!

September 29, 2014 - 1:22 pm

Your New Favorite Hobby in Three Simple Steps | Books & Prejudice - […] put my shopping habits to good use and buy books I heard about from a book review website (my next purchase). As a result, my bookshelf is now lined with classic novels and bestsellers. I am slowly reading […]

September 24, 2014 - 9:43 pm

Magan - Oh, that’s awesome, Elena! Thanks for that tidbit of info. 🙂 a) I hope you read this soon. b) I hope you love it. c) especially the ending. I’m not saying a word til you read it. tee-hee!

September 24, 2014 - 2:24 pm

elena - it’s actually a retelling of brideshead revisited sooo i’m kind of curious how it ends, haha. your review is lovely and made me more keen to pick up the book.

September 24, 2014 - 11:38 am

Magan - Hi Brianna! So I haven’t read The Great Gatsby, but it’s mentioned in Even in Paradise by Charlotte. I have read Looking for Alaska. You know how there’s this pivotal moment in that book that sort of changes the tone? I felt so shocked by it when I read it, but in Even in Paradise, when things came about, I didn’t really feel shocked. It made sense. In many ways, I enjoyed EiP more than LfA. There’s that same addictive friendship and this feeling of being swept away by someone you’re so enamored with, but I’d say that’s where the similarities end. Even in Paradise felt much more comprehensive. Hope that helps! 🙂

September 24, 2014 - 10:30 am

Brianna - The description on Amazon compares it to The Great Gatsby and Looking for Alaska. Would you say that’s true? Either way, I love boarding school books, so this one definitely went on the list.