Last Friday I was feeling pretty miserable — very down in the dumps — and I did something I rarely do. I tweeted about it. About how 2015 has not been a great year so far. The next day I deleted it. Why? Was I worried how being sad would make me look in a sea full of tweets about Muppets and books, amongst cat and sunset pictures? It’s not that. It’s more of a reminder to myself that when I’m feeling frustrated and upset, there are other places — other people — I should be turning to. The vast black hole of the internet, while it may feel like a safe place, does not compare to talking it out, a private conversation, or even being alone with your thoughts.
I think there’s this huge misunderstanding that who you are on the internet — whether you are only sharing the good stuff or a nice mix, whether you’re all in, or sporadically around — is somehow a representation of who you are all the time. It’s not totally unwarranted. These simple shared moments, especially at a time when you are feeling so low and so disconnected, are like little devils on your shoulders. Look at how much better she has it. He’s just living the dream, isn’t he?
Take Kate in The Status of All Things for example. She’s so obsessed with social media and perpetuating this perfect image — the amazing condo, her successful career, her loyal BFFs, her gorgeous and smart fiancé — to the world that’s she missing some mighty big signs. What will she share on Facebook when her fiancé calls off their wedding the night before because he’s in love with someone else? Is there even a hashtag for that? (#disaster #fuck) Unlike most humans, Kate finds herself with a second chance; she’s traveled back in time to make things right and her status updates are now wishes to be granted.
An old coworker might be the only person in my life without any social media account. Even my dad has broken down and joined Facebook. (He has yet to upload a profile picture.) This practice is so much a part of our culture; it’s hard to remember the days it didn’t exist. There’s no doubt that technology has made our lives so much easier, connecting us with people near and far (I talk to my mom in her house while I’m cooking in my apartment), but, and I’m guilty of this too, it’s also a huge distraction.
What are we missing when we pick up a phone during a dinner date with a friend? What could we have been doing instead of scrolling through a Twitter feed just because? Do we have to share every picture, tweet at every friend we see? Can we wait for an elevator without looking down at our hands? Most of all, do these images of perfection keep us from getting to know people on another level?
As soon as my dad signed me up for AOL, I became an internet junkie. I don’t deny the wonderful opportunities and awesome people I’ve met because of a click and a shared interest. But, let’s be real, sometimes the internet makes me feel awful. This lifelong journey to self-acceptance and satisfaction is hard enough before you get tangled into the Web. When does it all become too much? When does the cycle of insecurity and odd competition partnered with the hurt from tweets you can’t unsee stop? Kate gets the ultimate wake up call; she has to start dissecting her own life with all of its wrinkles instead of depending on the ultimate filter.
SHE HAS TO BE REAL WITH HERSELF.
Because, at the end of the day, knowing you could truly be there for your best friend or have the opportunity to live a happy life in real time is worth more than all the shares, likes, and favorites in the world. Right? Right. So to Instagram or not Instagram — that is the question and a good one it is. Can you still love something without abusing it? Without confusing what’s real with what’s curated? It might take some reminding but #thosenudgesareworthit.
The Status of All Things (Washington Square Press/Atria Books) by Liz Fenton & Lisa Steinke was published on June 2, 2015.
I can guarantee you won’t be tempted to check your Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, etc. while swept up in Kate’s story of second chances, perfection, fate, and the Internet. Thoughtful and sweet, frustrating and charming, this contemporary with a sprinkle of fantasy will have you rooting for a complicated main character — who could very well be you. What don’t we see because we choose not to and what don’t we see because we’re so wrapped up in what everyone else thinks? Another winner from this duo who knows how to inject love and the complexities of friendship into their books.
An early copy of this book was provided by the publisher. Thanks!