Hey, it’s a new week and a new month! I’m back here again with this stream of consciousness Monday thing. But, of course, it’s Sunday and I’m cooking a meat pie (just call me Mrs. Lovett) and getting ready to settle in for sports and Walking Dead (which we have all been pining away for, right?). Last week, I was all like OMG IT’S GOING TO BE NOVEMBER and now IT’S REALLY NOVEMBER. So that’s something to deal with — along with trying to avoid the red cups at Starbucks because I don’t want to RUSH the holiday season as much as I love, love, love it. (I ordered an iced coffee today and didn’t get the cup. It’s all okay. Whew.)
Last week, I shared that I’m working on #30DaysofYoga. Tomorrow, I jump into Day 20, and I wanted to share this FIND WHAT FEELS GOOD motto from Adriene. I’ve been thinking about it a lot lately. Not only when I “go to the mat” (yoga speak makes me legit, right?) but so much of this year feels like it was FIND WHAT FEELS GOOD until I could define it with four words. Unfortunately, making this happen might mean a lot of bad feelings. My friend has told me repeatedly that turning 30 is really tough. You find out a lot about yourself, your friendships, and it’s like starting all over again in some ways. But then once you get through it, it’s (mostly) smooth sailing and you’ll be so thankful you went through the “terrible” 30.
In many ways, 30 has been complicated. With James still in school most of the time and living on one salary, it’s a little like we were college kids all over again. (But with wisdom!) And maybe it’s my own disappointment that (snap!) things don’t automatically feel settled just because he graduated and passed the bar (hooray!). If anything, this feels like the most challenging year for me personally and our marriage. I don’t think a lot of people share how challenging marriage is OUT LOUD (unless you are reading the amazing A Practical Wedding) but it is. It brings me zero shame to say that because I know we are constantly working on making each other happy (together and separately) and it really makes me THAT much more present in my life, and aware of all the feelings. (That’s kind of my thing anyway.)
My life isn’t ALL about marriage but hey, when this is the person you come home to each and every day — happy, sad, angry, lonely, proud, enthused — you want to make sure you put a lot of work into making that foundation strong and tough and comfortable in a way where you can be yourself and everything feels like a possibility. No walls. Maybe a little resistance but you know, compromise and sacrifice are also two factors of this union. And two I’m probably never going to completely master.
The point is FINDING WHAT FEELS GOOD takes work and dedication and also WANT. You have to want to feel good to be willing to drop the things that don’t, to let go of what obviously isn’t wanting you anymore. Making room for the people who love you even when you aren’t perfect and always available; and for those activities that give you room to grow and learn new things about the world around you and yourself. Maybe it’s a lot more about forgiveness than I thought.
Ah, this took a serious turn for a Monday but I guess the moral of my story is feel good? It really makes a difference, even if it’s a process. Now to some other things…
What I’m reading: I’m on a middle grade kick and read Finding Someplace by Denise Lewis Patrick — about a young girl in the midst of Hurricane Katrina and how it affects her home, her family, and everything after that. SO GOOD. I was crying all over the place while reading it. I’m almost halfway through The Thing about Jellyfish by Ali Benjamin; another emotional story about a middle school girl dealing with the loss of her best friend. I can tell this book is going to be a special one.
Worthwhile Monday distractions: Coming off the Capeside Revisited feature, it was funny timing to see a post about how Pacey and Joey got together from the writer himself (Vulture). Hocus Pocus is my favorite FALL MOVIE EVER. They reunited for Halloween (Bustle). I love STRONG LADIES. Rowan Blanchard, star of Girl Meets World, is wise beyond her fucking years and I can’t take it. Look at this article on her feminism (Entertainment Weekly). I am currently obsessed with Cam who comes out with a country album in December. She used to write for Miley (USA Today)!
What I’m looking forward to this week: Seeing the PEANUTS movie. (Seriously, I am obsessed and cannot cannot wait.) Strangely, I’m also going to my first concert in forever but mostly for the Broadway aspect of it: Sara Bareilles is singing songs from her new musical (based on a favorite film of mine) Waitress. Also: I’m going to start some holiday card lists. I need to get organized this year!
Let’s feel good this week. Okay? Happy Monday! -e